The Big C

A journey through Stage Four Cancer

A Little Rain Must Fall

They say into every life, a little rain must fall.  This past week my life has had some showers.  It started nicely enough on a beautiful day when my son offered to take me for a walk around the neighborhood.  On the walk, I saw some unusual flowers, and I asked him to stop.  The flowers were a dark purplish blue with some bright yellow.  They were very small, smaller than flowers people usually plant in their yard.  I thought it would make a nice picture for my blog, so I took out my ever trusty Olympus 820 Stylus and turned it on.  The LCD screen had black lines in it, and the edges of the picture were jagged.  I tried to take a picture anyway, and it came out much too dark.  Not ever being one to give up at a first, or even a twentieth try, I took another picture.  Still to dark.  Well, to make a long story short, the screen image continued to degrade, until my pictures all looked like they were an acid trip from the 1960’s.  The objects I took pictures of were not identifiable.  When I got home, I tried to find advice on the Internet, but instead found out that Olympus would charge $80 to look at my camera before fixing it.  Then they would fix my camera at about a charge of between $150 to $180, which is about the cost of the camera new.  Talk about being bummed!  As a last desperate attempt, I reset everything on the camera and …………………my camera began to work again, taking great pictures.  I thought I had dodged the bullet until I turned on my camera today to take a picture, and the screen was back to being a horror show!

So, I am upset.  I know that my dear husband is not going to want to purchase a new camera anytime soon.  Shouldn’t a camera last more than 6 years?  The lens and all the motors are great, but that doesn’t help the situation.  And I am lost without a camera.

Then, as you recall, I was too sick to go to my last doctor’s appointment.  Today I wasn’t too sick to go to the doctors, well until this afternoon when I found out that my camera is broken I wasn’t sick.  So I saw my oncologist today for the results of my CAT scan.  The results are good, everything looks stable.  The cancer hasn’t grown in my abdomen.  Oh! Here comes another shower!

Because, as I have mentioned before, I have pain in my left groin.  Well a bit of pressing and the talented hands of my oncologist found something.  The CAT scan hadn’t scanned here.  Is it cancerous?  It seems safe to assume so, but he also pointed out that it could be infected lymph nodes, a benign growth, anything.  We don’t know for sure until after I get an MRI and it is read.

Just a little shower.

Yesterday was the end of my novena to Our Lady of Good Success.  You can follow this link for more information about this apparition.  I found it interesting and very relevant to our times.  Perhaps, after this novena to Our Lady of Good Success, whatever is in my groin will be found to be benign and not cancer?

And if it is cancer?  A little more rain will fall.  But like Jesus, the Lord I profess to follow, I must say “But not my will, but your will Father.” Luke 42:22

Thank-you for reading my update!


Leave a comment »

The Lesson of the Purple Medicine

Once upon a time, in a far off land called Sag Harbor, there was a little boy named Michael who was very sick.  His throat hurt to swallow, his ears hurt and his head pounded.  His mother said to herself “Enough of this!” and bought him to their favorite doctor, Doctor Semlear.

Dr Semlear confirmed what that incredibly young mother feared, her son was sick and needed medication.  So the good doctor wrote her out a prescription and sent Michael and his mother on their way.

Once this kind and dedicated mother returned home, she put her little boy to bed, resting his head on a soft pillow and making sure the room was dark and the house was quiet so that Michael could sleep.

She asked her equally kind spouse if he would go to the drugstore and have the prescription filled so that their soon might start to get well again.  The kind father left immediately!

At the drugstore, there was a sign that advertised, that for a measly $2 extra, the pharmacist could flavor the icky medicine any of these flavors; grape, orange, cherry, strawberry, or mint.  Knowing that Michael loved grape flavor, the father gladly paid the $2 extra.

After the father bought the medicine home, the good mother bought the medicine to her little son.  She said “Michael, even though this medicine smells so delicious, you may only have it three times a day when your mommy gives it to you.  You must NOT ever take it out of the refrigerator and give it to yourself.  No matter how much you like it.”

Michael promised that he would not ever touch the medicine bottle by himself.

His mother explained how this medicine would destroy all the bad germs that were making him feel sick, and that soon he would feel well again.  His mother measured out the medicine and thought “Wow, this stuff smells good! It’s making me want a grape soda!”

The good mother put the medicine in Michael’s mouth, to which he immediately spit it out and began to cry “Yucky! Iwwwwwwww!”

The mother was so puzzled!  “No Michael, the medicine tastes delicious!  Daddy paid money for it to be delicious!”

Michael clamped his mouth shut and shook his head “NO!”

In the age old way that parents have tried to convince their children that something is delicious, Mommy said  “Look Daddy likes it right Daddy?”  She had a little medicine on a spoon, to which Daddy answered in a very, very low voice “I’m not trying it.”

There was nothing to do, except for Mommy to try the medicine.  So she did!  The medicine was unmistakably vile!  It smelled like delicious grapes, but had an awful bitter aftertaste that just would not go away!  And it was slimy!  Mommy almost threw up!

So mommy said to Michael  “I know the medicine is awful!  But you have to take it, it is the only way you will ever get better.”

Michael shook his head no and said “Icky!”

Mommy said “I know it tastes icky.  But if you don’t take it, the bad germs will keep on multiplying and you will get sicker and sicker.  I am your parent, and you know that I love you.  You know that I would never hurt you, and only do things that are good for you.  You are going to have to trust me about the yucky medicine.”

Then Mommy gave Michael the medicine again and even helped him to not throw it up again by putting her hand over his mouth and having a big glass of water waiting for him so he could wash the taste out of his  mouth.

Michael trusted his parents, took the medicine and got better.


God is the parent, and the yucky medicine is cancer.  I trust God to give me the yucky medicine, because I know that He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.  He only wants me to get better.   I don’t know how the medicine will work, but that is okay because I am not the parent.  I am only His child.

Please keep praying for my family and I, and everyone else who is struggling with this monster.



Refining Silver

A friend just e-mailed me this.  I found that I could identify this so much with having cancer.  I hope that you enjoy:

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, ‘How do you know  when the silver is fully refined?’
He smiled at her and answered, ‘ Oh, that’s easy — when I see my image in it.’  
This is so much like having cancer.  We are the silver that is being refined.  God is the refiner.  While we are in the hotest part of the fire, God is holding us up, supporting us.  He is sitting right in front of us, watching us, never leaving our side.
And when He can see His image in us, He removes us from the fire.  He doesn’t allow us to stay in the fire one second longer than is needed.
I pray, that when I am once again in that fire, I never once forget that God is there, never leaving my side, watching me.
I hope you have found a blessing in this post.