The Big C

A journey through Stage Four Cancer

Not now

on July 2, 2012

I am writing to you from the hospital. I know your mind went immediately to an image of a green painted room with two neatly made beds in I, but in this case, nope, wouldn’t fit.

               It’s like this room was made in conjunction with a designer.  First, my door is a curtained sliding glass door.  At the direct opposite is a wall of four sunny windows, with blinds.  On one wall is the requisite hospital bed – this is a hospital room after all- and a chair  Across to opposite wall is a leather – y green couch and a wooden Ikea closet unit. Above the couch is a nice sized flat screen TV.  Down a short hall is a bathroom with a shower, and the hall ends in a four cabinet unit. In one of the units is a refrigerator!

              This could easily be someone’s apartment.

              Except that I am sick. In all this sunny yellow loveliness, I am sick.  Is it the cancer showing its lousy head again, or is it some kind of ailment that I am more subject to these days?

              I don’t know, my surgeon doesn’t know. 

              I have no doubt that he will know and soon.

              But right now, I’m sitting under the blankets and praying not to throw up again today. Not right now anyway.


2 responses to “Not now

  1. Janel says:

    I just finished praying to our good Lord for you! I put my hands on the screen over your post praying that God will allow a miracle to rid you of whatever is making you sick! I also prayed for your family. I have a prayer for you…

    Heavenly Father, I call on you right now
    in a special way. It is through your power
    that I was created. Every breath I take,
    every morning I wake, and every moment
    of every hour, I live under your power.

    Father, I ask you now to touch me with
    that same power. For if you created me
    from nothing, you can certainly recreate
    me. Fill me with the healing power of
    your spirit.

    Cast out anything that should not be in
    me. Mend what is broken. Root out any
    unproductive cells. Open any blocked
    arteries or veins and rebuild any damaged
    areas. Remove all inflammation and
    cleanse any infection.

    Let the warmth of your healing love pass
    through my body to make new any
    unhealthy areas so that my body will
    function the way you created it to

    And Father, restore me to full health in
    mind and body so that I may serve you
    the rest of my life. I ask this through
    Christ our Lord.


    May God Bless you always,
    Janel Tenerelli

    • The Big C says:

      Thank you Janel. That was a beautiful prayer! At 2am, I finally did throw up. I feel better for doing it, but nervous for the outcome of what it means. Thank you for praying for me.

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