The Big C

A journey through Stage Four Cancer


Some people come into your life and change, make it better.  Help you through the tough times.  Their very presence makes you feel so much better.

Well, today I was surprised by Lyanna coming into my hospital room!  What a welcome sight, what a wonderful visit.  Even as she visited, I could see her giving my IV pole the once over.  I felt safe anyway, Lyanna, made me feel safer still.

I hope God continues to bless Lyanna and her family.

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Stars Bursting In Air

You know, one of the biggest perks of being on the 8th floor during the 4th of July weekend, and I don’t blog it.

I was feeling down that I wasn’t going to be with my family for the fourth of July, and reminiscing about the fireworks and picnics of the past when I heard “BOOM”  and then a few seconds later “BOOM!!”

Well right outside of my window, some LARGE organization was firing firecrackers.  So, I hopped out of bed, raised the blind, and watched stars bursting in air, from my bed until twelve midnight!

Talk about room service! 🙂

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Up On The Roof

Well, not quite the roof.  I’m on the 8th floor.  I love this room, I call it the apartment, soo much!  I’ve even dragged members of the family into decorating it with me.  Where would we put a cook top?  Would we leave the window bank clear for watching the red tailed hawk that like to fly by every so often ? 

To go along with the perfection of this sunny room, it gets vacuumed and cleaned every single day, and it isn’t by me.  No, I get to be the Grande Dame and sit by the windows.

In the last few days, I have stopped vomiting, and I am eating clear – that means nothing in it it- chicken broth.  I have also had a PIC line put into my left arm.  The operation for it was done under local anesthesia and was mildly painful, but not enough to even bring tears to my eyes.   What is annoying is getting used to the feeling of it being on me. 

Through the PICC line, I am receiving a white fluid called TPN that is feeding my body what it needs.

This Hospital also has a Thursday crafts day, or art therapy day.  Whichever, I was given a wooden picture frame, paintbrushes and gorgeous acrylic paint and enjoyed a good hour or so painting the frame, and my hands.

If I have to be here much longer, I hope I don’t miss next weeks art day!


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Not now

I am writing to you from the hospital. I know your mind went immediately to an image of a green painted room with two neatly made beds in I, but in this case, nope, wouldn’t fit.

               It’s like this room was made in conjunction with a designer.  First, my door is a curtained sliding glass door.  At the direct opposite is a wall of four sunny windows, with blinds.  On one wall is the requisite hospital bed – this is a hospital room after all- and a chair  Across to opposite wall is a leather – y green couch and a wooden Ikea closet unit. Above the couch is a nice sized flat screen TV.  Down a short hall is a bathroom with a shower, and the hall ends in a four cabinet unit. In one of the units is a refrigerator!

              This could easily be someone’s apartment.

              Except that I am sick. In all this sunny yellow loveliness, I am sick.  Is it the cancer showing its lousy head again, or is it some kind of ailment that I am more subject to these days?

              I don’t know, my surgeon doesn’t know. 

              I have no doubt that he will know and soon.

              But right now, I’m sitting under the blankets and praying not to throw up again today. Not right now anyway.