The Big C

A journey through Stage Four Cancer

2.5 years left

on June 10, 2011

   Have you ever over reacted to something and wondered why?  When this happens to me, I know that there is something nagging at my subconscious and I meticulously go over my life to find out what the real issue is.

This time, it was a call from my oncologists office telling me that my platelets were too low for me to have chemo on Monday.  I felt so doomed, I dissolved into tears.  I could only imagine the tumor inside of me celebrating, partying even, without the white knights of my chemo to fight it and keep it in check.

But that wasn’t it, not really.  One missed session of chemo isn’t that big a deal, at least I don’t think so.

So what was eating me?

Then I realised that the 6 that represents June was the half way point in my five year survival. 

I don’t have 5 years left.   Somehow, someway, without me even noticing, half of my life term had disappeared.  I am at the very pinnacle of the survival mountain, and now my journey leads me down the other side, to the grave.

What had happened to the 2.5 years before the half way point?  On reflection, only a year was spent cancer free.  The other 1.5 years has been spent getting chemo, radiation or recovering from operations.  No wonder I hadn’t noticed!

I’m tired, but the chemo has taken care of the hip pain that made it so hard to walk.  My hair is growing back now, faster and faster it seems.

You could almost mistake me for healthy!

I’m working harder at fully extricating myself from people who only seem to want to hurt me or malign me personally.  The people who love me are working harder and harder to stay in contact with me by phone calls and home visits.  Prayers are pouring in for me.

I can believe that I’m going to be cured.  But if I’m not?  I’ve lived every day with the people I love, giving them as much of me as I can.  And there will be no regrets.

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2 responses to “2.5 years left

  1. sherristakes says:

    Hi Mary… oh how I’ve missed you! I have kept you close to my heart and in my prayers daily. I can only imagine what you are going through right now, physically and emotionally.

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