The Big C

A journey through Stage Four Cancer

I am here

but just barely.

It’s been a trip, no a journey.  I reacted extremely badly to my first chemo treatment and ended up in the hospital two days later with an extremely compromised immune system.

Every time I moved my head, great hanks of hair fell out.  I collected it in a bag, I don’t know why.

I’ve had my second session of chemo, and I seem to be taking it better.  But doing the things that I absolutely have to do takes a toll on me.  I am tired.  I am often cold.  I am depressed as I watch what my treatment is doing to my family.

One day, I will be gone, and so will their financial stability.  They reassure me over and over that having me for one more day is worth any financial price.  It’s just money, after all.    The guilt is overwhelming at times.

I wish I could put a happier, braver face on this.  The fact is, sometimes circumstances suck.

I want to thank everyone who has sent me e-mails and not forgotten me.  I’m sorry for not answering sooner.  This is the first I’ve been on a computer, instead of my limited Ipod.