The Big C

A journey through Stage Four Cancer

Rest In Peace Elizabeth Edwards

on December 8, 2010

Today is a day, I just want to pull the covers over my head and sleep.  Not because I’m tired, but because I just want to be oblivious to the world, and my own feelings.

Sometimes I understand why people drink to excess and use drugs, to escape having to acknowledge, to feel.

That option isn’t open to me.  I won’t say that it isn’t my style, I don’t know.  May-be under different circumstances it would be my style.

But while I breathe, I live and while I live, I want to spend every second living and being with my family.  I don’t want any of us cheated out of one second of my limited days, or months or years.  Whatever God gives me.

Elizabeth was diagnosed with cancer in 2004 and underwent treatment.  During her husband’s campaign, she looked vibrant and healthy.

I wonder if she felt like she had a stalker, like I do?  At every checkup, you wonder, is this when my remission ends?

In 2007, Elizabeth’s remission ended.

She took treatment for almost all of her remaining three years, but even with the effects of chemo, she still was there for her family and friends, always cheerful, always smiling.

Until her end, which was yesterday.

This is what I hate about cancer.   I have met so many people who have endured horrible radiation and chemotherapy treatments, and have gone into remission.

Their hair returns.  Slowly, their energy returns.

They make it through the first year, holding their breath.

They make it through their second year, and they breathe a little easier.

They make it through their third year, and they are thrilled! Now they can breathe freely.  They have conquered cancer!!  It is all free sailing after this.

Six months later, it returns, and for so many of them, they die.

Cancer is a gift, because you really and truly realize how few your remaining days are.  Even when you are in remission, gratefully in remission, you know it can end any time.  You either tell people you love them now, make the good memories now, or it won’t happen ever.  Never.

But cancer is also very cruel.  Cruel to your body.  Cruel to your mind.  Cruel to your family.  And cruel to your finances.

I’ll end this post with a quote from the last entry of Elizabeth’s Face Book Account:

You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces – my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. It isn’t possible to put into words the love and gratitude I feel to everyone who has and continues to support and inspire me every day. To you I simply say: you know

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2 responses to “Rest In Peace Elizabeth Edwards

  1. This is really lovely, Mary. I also feel like I knew her personally. And the image of a stalker is just right. I just had my two-year brain MRI (follow up on a brain tumor) and it’s always weird, leapfrogging in two year segments through my life, then laying in that machine and not having an idea in the world if it’s come back or not. This time, no. 🙂

  2. The Big C says:

    Linda, Thank-you for stopping by, and for your complement!! I am soo happy that your stalker hasn’t returned!! Everytime someone gets a good outcome to their test, I always feel like it’s a “HA! TAKE THAT!” to cancer!!

    To many, many many more great results!!!

    La Chaim!!!!!!!!!! (Gosh I hope I spelled that right! It has just the right emphasis of power and joy!!!)

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